“Patronage is the support, encouragement, privilege, or financial aid that an organization or individual bestows to another. In the history of art, arts patronage refers to the support that kings, popes, and the wealthy have provided to artists such as musicians, painters, and sculptors.”

Here you’ll find ways to donate to a lackluster artist and help fuel all the weird that I need to maintain… life.

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  • A Large One Topping Pizza From Mr. X’s Pizza + A Tip

    $20.00 Add to cart

    You’re buying me a 16″ Sunrise Pizza (NEW! Hamburger, Bacon, Onions, Green Peppers, Topped with Cracked Egg) from Mr. X’s Pizza on Morganford Road in South St. Louis, Missouri. This pizza is like a gift to people with hangovers. I quit drinking years ago so I don’t get hangovers anymore but I’m a huge fan of any food that you can put an egg in. And guess what? MR X PUT AN EGG IN PIZZA WHAT?


  • Buy me a cheap-ass cup of gas station coffee.

    $1.75 Add to cart

    It’s about as simple as it gets: it’s hot, it’s coffee colored, and hopefully it’s not too burnt. I’m not a turbo coffee aficionado but I do like grabbing a cup here and there when I’m out and about in the world. I’m on my third year without drinking alcohol so hot caffeine injections (giggity) are one of my favorites.

    Thanks to Erich for the cup of joe!


  • Doggie dog ice cream!

    Doggy Dog Ice Cream Recipe

    $1.00 Add to cart

    This is the recipe for Doggy Ice Cream that we feed our dogs. It's totally complete here and free. I just gave you the option to give me a buck if your dogs are super into this jazzy Doggy Dog Ice Cream. It's just one of the ways you can say, “thanks for being a person who isn't total shit ALL of the time, homie!” One of the dogs only has three legs! That isn't because of the ice cream though. It's really frozen yogs-hurt anyway.

    The Doggy Dog Ice Cream Ingredients:

    1. 1 HEAPIN' Regular Household Eatin' Tablespoon of Peanut Butter (without Xylitol!) – There is no reason to get like really expensive nut butter for Doggy Dog Ice Cream because dogs lick their own assholes.
    2. A healthy teaspoon-ish of honey (from bee butts) – Hopefully we'll have honey from our own St. Louis Urban Bees next year!
    3. 1 overflowing cup of Greek Yogurt – We buy it from Costco. Welcome to Costco, we love you.
    4. A single peeled banana – I'm the only one who eats the brown gross bananas in the house, well me and the dogs. So these dumb mutts are stealin' my nanners.